Everyone imagines their golden years as a time of peace and bliss with their spouse. For a good portion of the elderly, they find themselves signing divorce papers. This startling yet increasingly common phenomenon, known as ‘gray divorce,’ subtly changes the narrative of long-term marriages.
The Gray Divorce Phenomenon
According to the American Bar Association, the phenomenon of gray divorces has been subtly yet persistently making its presence felt. Today, individuals aged 50 and above account for a quarter of all divorce cases. Even more surprising, 1 in 10 of these divorcing individuals are 65-plus. You might be comfortably nestled into the idea of a rock-solid, lifelong union, but these figures suggest otherwise.
This growing trend throws a curveball at our traditional perception of long-term marriages as unshakeable institutions. “The gray divorce wave might be closer to our shores than we like to believe. No marriage is immune, and understanding that reality is the first step to confronting, and perhaps averting a late-life marital crisis,” says family law attorney Samah T. Abukhodeir of The Florida Probate & Family Law Firm.
Five Tell-Tale Signs of an Impending Gray Divorce
As we navigate the winding road of life-long relationships, we must remain vigilant for signs of change. The following five markers could indicate that your enduring marriage might be heading for an unexpected detour toward a gray divorce.
Omitting Each Other from Future Goals
If you find yourself or your partner planning a future where the other is more of an afterthought, it’s like a canary in the coal mine. The united dreams that once danced in your conversations may slowly fade into individual plans, sounding an alarm bell for your relationship. To handle this, ensure you consciously include each other in your dreams, making your future a shared journey.
Increased Time Spent Apart
While cherishing alone time is healthy, an extreme drift might suggest disconnecting. It’s like two boats drifting in a vast ocean; the farther they sail, the harder they are to unite. Nip this in the bud by finding everyday activities that remind you both of why you fell in love in the first place.
Children Heading Off to College
With your children headed off to college, it leaves you both with more ‘us’ time. While this can be a golden opportunity to rekindle your bond, some couples find that they’ve morphed into co-parents rather than lovers. Don’t let your relationship slip into the shadows of your parental roles. Now’s the time to explore life as a couple again and cherish your shared companionship.
Having Many Divorced Friends
If your social circle is filling up with friends who are recently divorced, their experiences, intentionally or not, can influence your perception of your own marriage. They might subtly reinforce the idea that divorce is an easy exit when things go awry. While you should never cut ties, be aware of this influence and ensure it doesn’t cloud your judgment of your relationship.
Total Lack of Conflict
A complete lack of conflict can be just as concerning as constant bickering. It might indicate emotional disconnection or apathy. Conflict, after all, shows that you both still care enough to engage. If you find yourself in this spot, it might be time to initiate open-hearted discussions to rekindle emotional intimacy. Remember, your relationship deserves your full-hearted participation.
Looking Forward
The prospect of gray divorce can be unsettling, especially for those who’ve always envisioned their relationship as a lifelong commitment. This awareness can pave the way for seeking professional help. If your marriage is in trouble, make sure you deal with it as soon as possible. Your golden years should be a time of stress-free happiness.
