Dealing with divorce when there are children involved can be extremely stressful. This is especially the case when the separation wasn’t amicable. One of the ways to create a civil, less stressful relationship with the other parent is to create a co-parenting agreement.
Once you’ve used the services of the lawyers Essendon residents rely on to finalise family matters, it’s time to start the process of getting used to your new lifestyle. For the sake of your children’s mental health, it’s crucial to come to an agreement that will leave everyone getting along.
What is Co-Parenting?
Co-parenting by definition is the concept of two parents raising children together despite no longer living together or being romantically involved. The goal of co-parenting is to work together to ensure children have a conflict-free environment to grow up in.
A successful co-parenting relationship also prevents children from having to choose one parent over the other. Ideally, everyone gets along, decisions are made with the children’s best interests in mind and there is no emotional tug-of-war.
Top Pointers to Make Co-Parenting Work
Divorce or separation can have serious effects on children. Setting up a few co-parenting guidelines will assist everyone in making the transition after divorce much more bearable. Our experts have compiled a list of guidelines to get your co-parenting journey started.
Rule #1: Be Consistent and Respectful
Whether or not your divorce was amicable, it’s important to put your differences aside—for the sake of your children. Both parents should to be consistent about general rules. The rules for bedtimes, screen time, bath time and homework should be the same at both homes.
Providing a united front will reduce the likelihood of disagreements between parents and children. Consistency with the rules will go a long way to creating a safe and stable environment. Should a disagreement arise, be respectful to the other parent to resolve the issue.
Rule #2: Focus on Your Love for the Children—Not Each Other
Not all couples get along after a divorce. In fact, some people would prefer to have little to no contact with the other person. However, if you share children, this isn’t an option. Change your focus from hating or disliking the other parent to showing love for your children.
Identify your child’s needs and focus on achieving these goals. The child’s developmental needs should be the number one goal. Work together with the other parent to keep any negative emotions or resentment toward each other away from the children.
Rule #3: Write it Down
It’s not uncommon for disgruntled couples to use their kids as emotional tools against the other parent. To minimise this, draw up a document with all the co-parenting guidelines on and ensure both parents have a copy.
While this won’t stop all potential issues, it will be a good starting point to resolve any issues as years go by, even if the family lawyers Essendon locals trust need to get involved. Ensure the guidelines are specific and fair and have the children’s best interests at heart.
Rule #4: Avoid Emotional Blackmail and Slander
Children are like sponges. They absorb all sorts of things. That means all the offhand, snide, snarky or ugly remarks you make about the other parent will easily be noted and remembered by your children.
This will either make the child feel like they need to side with you, or they will begin to resent the other parent. Whatever your current feelings toward your ex, never forget that they are still your child’s other parent.
Rule #5: Arrange a Monthly Co-Parenting Meeting
A lack of effective communication is the easiest way to let situations spiral out of control. To avoid this, schedule a brief co-parenting meeting with your ex on a regular basis. Make sure the meeting is held in a public place to reduce the likelihood of one of you creating a scene in a heated moment.
At this meeting, you will discuss any issues surrounding the children, adjustments to the current guidelines as well as any additional rules that need to be included or enforced. This will create two-way communication to address your child’s needs. You can also make arrangements regarding holidays, special occasions and attending school functions or doctor’s appointments.
Rules to enforce at the co-parenting meeting include:
- Have the meeting away from the children
- Speak to each other with respect
- Don’t talk over each other or be condescending
- Respect the other person’s opinion
Final Thought
It’s up to you to create a co-parenting schedule that serves the best interest of the children. Both parents should get to spend time with the kids without using them as an emotional weapon against the other parent. If your divorce wasn’t amicable, it might be necessary to discuss your proposed co-parenting schedule with your family lawyer.
Assure your children that despite the changes in adult relationships, they’re both still equal parents. Doing this will also limit your children in using emotional blackmail to get what they want.
Co-parenting may not always be easy, but it’s worth the effort to ensure your children become well-adjusted adults!
